Safe Touch, Unsafe Touch: How to Talk to Children About Body Safety

Talking to children about body safety can feel uncomfortable for adults—but silence is far more dangerous. Children don’t need graphic details or scary warnings. What they do need is clear, age-appropriate language that helps them understand their bodies, recognize unsafe situations, and know they can always ask for help.

Conversations about safe and unsafe touch are one of the most effective ways to prevent child abuse. When done early and repeated often, they give children the confidence and vocabulary to protect themselves and speak up when something isn’t right.

Why These Conversations Matter

Many children who experience abuse don’t disclose right away—not because they don’t want help, but because they:

• Don’t know the behavior was wrong

• Were told to keep secrets

• Didn’t have the words to explain what happened

• Feared getting in trouble or not being believed

Teaching children about body safety helps remove those barriers. It sends a clear message: your body belongs to you, and adults will listen and help.

Defining Safe Touch and Unsafe Touch

Keep explanations simple, concrete, and calm.

Safe Touch

Safe touch is touch that:

• Helps keep a child clean, healthy, or safe

• Is wanted and comfortable

• Doesn’t involve secrets

• Can be talked about openly

Examples include hugs (when the child wants them), medical care with a trusted adult present, or help with

bathing for younger children.

Unsafe Touch

Unsafe touch is touch that:

• Involves private body parts without a health or safety reason

• Makes a child feel uncomfortable, scared, confused, or pressured

• Is asked to be kept secret

• Happens without permission or continues after a child says “no”

It’s important to emphasize: unsafe touch can come from someone the child knows and trusts, not just strangers.

Teaching Body Safety in a Child-Friendly Way

1. Use Proper Names for Body Parts

Using correct anatomical terms (like penis, vulva, breasts, buttocks) reduces shame and increases clarity if a child needs to report something. Children who know the correct names are better understood—and taken more seriously—by professionals.

2. Explain Body Boundaries Clearly

Teach children that certain parts of their body are private and that no one should touch them there except for health or hygiene reasons—and even then, it should never be a secret.

3. Talk About Feelings, Not Just Rules

Help children recognize their internal signals:

• “If a touch makes your stomach feel tight or your heart beat fast, that feeling matters.”

• “You don’t need a reason to say no.”

This reinforces trust in their instincts.

4. Make It Clear They Won’t Be in Trouble

Children need reassurance that:

• They will not get in trouble for telling

• They will be believed

• The abuse is never their fault

This is one of the most important messages in prevention.

5. Repeat the Conversation Over Time

This should never be a one-time talk. Revisit body safety during everyday moments—bath time, doctor visits, bedtime routines, or after a relevant TV scene. Short, consistent conversations are more effective than one long lecture.

What Adults Must Model

Children learn as much from what adults do as what they say. Adults should:

• Ask for consent before physical contact

• Respect a child’s “no”

• Avoid forcing affection

• Speak calmly and openly about bodies and boundaries

For professionals in CPS, law enforcement, and Child Advocacy Centers, reinforcing these concepts supports trauma-informed care and strengthens a child’s ability to disclose safely.

Final Thought

Teaching children about safe and unsafe touch isn’t about fear—it’s about clarity, confidence, and connection. When children understand their bodies and know they can talk openly with trusted adults, abuse loses its power to hide.

These conversations don’t take away a child’s innocence. They protect it.