When Home Isn’t Safe: Supporting Children Living with Domestic Violence

Children don’t have to be hit to be hurt.

Just witnessing violence in the home—hearing the shouting, seeing the fear, watching a parent be harmed—can change the way a child thinks, feels, and develops. And for many children, domestic violence is their first trauma, long before the world outside ever touches them.

Yet too often, these children are unseen. Their emotional needs go unmet. Their pain gets mislabeled as “bad behavior,” “school problems,” or “acting out.”

If you’re a parent, teacher, community advocate, CPS worker, law enforcement officer, or Child Advocacy Center professional, understanding the impact of domestic violence on children—and how to respond—is critical. Because the sooner we meet their needs, the more damage we can prevent.

Children in Violent Homes: What’s Really Happening

In homes where domestic violence occurs, children often live in a constant state of fear, unpredictability, and powerlessness.

Even if they aren’t physically harmed, they experience:

• Terror: Worrying when the next outburst will happen

• Guilt: Believing it’s their fault or that they should stop it

• Shame: Feeling different from other kids, or like they need to keep secrets

• Hypervigilance: Always “on alert” for danger, even when it’s not present

• Split loyalties: Loving both parents—even the one causing harm

This is emotional trauma, and it shapes a child’s brain, body, and beliefs about themselves and the world.

The Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

When we don’t intervene early, children exposed to domestic violence are at increased risk for:

• Anxiety, depression, and PTSD

• Difficulty trusting others

• School and concentration issues

• Aggression or withdrawal

• Substance use later in life

• Entering violent relationships themselves

This is the cycle of violence—and it can continue for generations if no one stops it.

The 5 Most Critical Needs of These Children

You don’t need to be a therapist to support children affected by domestic violence. You just need to understand their core needs—and respond with compassion and consistency.

1. Safety and Stability

Children need to know the violence is over—or that steps are being taken to keep them safe. Even small changes in routine, housing, or who’s around can feel huge.

“Am I safe now?” is the question behind every behavior.

2. To Be Heard and Believed

Many kids don’t talk about what they’ve seen because:

• No one asks

• They think no one will believe them

• They’re protecting the non-offending parent

Letting a child know, “I believe you. What you saw was not your fault.” is healing in itself.

3. Trauma-Informed Support

These children may benefit from:

• Play therapy or trauma counseling

• Group programs with other survivors

• School accommodations to support regulation and focus

4. Connection with the Non-Offending Parent

Strengthening this bond can buffer against long-term harm. That parent may be traumatized, too, and needs support in parenting through crisis.

5. An End to the Silence

Pretending nothing happened teaches children to minimize and internalize trauma. Age-appropriate conversations help restore truth, trust, and emotional safety.

What Parents, Professionals, and Communities Can Do

For Parents and Caregivers:

• Get support for yourself—your healing helps your child

• Reassure your child that what happened is not their fault

• Stick to routines; predictability helps rebuild safety

For CPS, Law Enforcement & CAC Professionals:

• Screen for domestic violence exposure—even if there’s no physical abuse to the child

• Don’t force loyalty tests (“Do you love your dad?”)

• Support the protective parent without judgment or blame

For Communities:

• Invest in shelter programs with space and services for children

• Advocate for trauma-informed schools and parenting supports

• Break the stigma around survivors asking for help

Final Thoughts: The Children Are Watching—And They’re Hurting Too

Every child exposed to domestic violence is a survivor.Not just of what they’ve seen, but of what they’ve had to feel in silence.

They are often the forgotten victims—left to navigate chaos, fear, and confusion without the tools or words to explain it.

But when we see them, listen to them, and meet their emotional needs with intention and compassion, we give them a fighting chance at a different future. One not shaped by violence, but by safety, connection, and healing.