Empowering Kids: Teaching Assertiveness to Say No to Unwanted Touch

One of the most effective ways to protect children from abuse is also one of the simplest: teaching them how to say no—clearly, confidently, and without fear. Assertiveness training isn’t about making children defiant or disrespectful. It’s about giving them the language, confidence, and permission to protect their bodies and their boundaries.

For parents, caregivers, and professionals working in child protection, assertiveness is a critical prevention tool. Children who know they are allowed to speak up are less vulnerable to grooming, coercion, and silence-based abuse.

Why Assertiveness Matters in Abuse Prevention

Many children who experience abuse report the same barriers to speaking up:

• They didn’t think they were allowed to say no

• They were afraid of getting in trouble

• The person was an adult or someone they trusted

• They didn’t have the words to explain what felt wrong

Assertiveness training directly addresses these barriers. It teaches children that:

• Their body belongs to them

• Discomfort is worth paying attention to

• Saying no is safe, allowed, and respected

This doesn’t make children responsible for preventing abuse—but it does give them protective skills that reduce risk and support disclosure.

What Assertiveness Looks Like for Children

Assertiveness is not yelling, aggression, or rudeness. For children, it’s a combination of voice, body language, and confidence.

Core assertiveness skills include:

• Using a strong, clear voice

• Making eye contact when safe to do so

• Using simple boundary statements

• Repeating the boundary if needed

• Leaving and telling a trusted adult

These skills must be taught, practiced, and reinforced—just like crossing the street safely or calling 911.

Teaching Kids to Say No: The Essentials

1. Give Explicit Permission

Children need to hear this directly:

“You are allowed to say no to any touch that makes you uncomfortable—even from adults or people you love.”

This message counters grooming tactics that rely on obedience, secrecy, or fear of authority.

2. Teach Simple Boundary Phrases

Children don’t need long explanations. Short, powerful phrases work best:

• “No.”

• “Stop.”

• “I don’t like that.”

• “Don’t touch me.”

• “I’m telling.”

Practice these out loud so they feel natural—not awkward—if a real situation arises.

3. Practice Through Role-Play

Role-playing helps children build muscle memory. Keep it age-appropriate and calm:

• “What would you say if someone tickles you and won’t stop?”

• “What if someone asks you to keep a secret about your body?”

Reinforce that they can repeat themselves and walk away if the person doesn’t listen.

4. Support Body Awareness

Teach children to notice their internal warning signs—tight stomach, fast heartbeat, feeling scared or confused. Explain that these feelings are important signals, not something to ignore or push down.

5. Back Up Their Boundaries in Real Life

Assertiveness only works if adults honor it. If a child says no to a hug, tickling, or rough play, respect it—and expect others to do the same. This shows children that their boundaries matter and will be taken seriously.

The Role of Parents and Professionals

Children are more likely to use assertiveness skills when they know adults will respond safely and supportively.

Adults should:

• Praise children for speaking up

• Avoid minimizing discomfort (“They were just playing”)

• Reinforce that telling is not tattling

• Stay calm and supportive if a child discloses

For CPS workers, law enforcement, educators, and CAC professionals, reinforcing assertiveness aligns with trauma-informed practice and strengthens protective factors around the child.

Assertiveness Builds More Than Safety

Beyond abuse prevention, assertiveness helps children:

• Build self-confidence

• Develop healthy relationships

• Set boundaries with peers

• Advocate for themselves at school and in the community

It’s a lifelong skill that supports both safety and emotional well-being.

Final Thought

Empowering children to say no doesn’t create fear—it creates confidence. When children know their voice matters and their boundaries will be respected, silence loses its power.

Teaching assertiveness is not about placing responsibility on children. It’s about giving them one more layer of protection—and letting them know they are never wrong for speaking up.